On August 16, 2010 I wrote a post entitled, “Letting Go and Letting Love,” where I talked about my experience dropping Kaleb off at school for the first time. Today I dropped Amelia and Madelyn off for their first day of school and I must say that I was not ready for the wave of emotions that I experienced. Yesterday it seemed like I was praying over Amelia while she was in the NICU at Vanderbilt Children’s and now she is in Kindergarten of all things. Yesterday it seemed like I was up all night because Maddie could not go to sleep unless her mother held her and now she is in Pre-Kindergarten of all things. I don’t think life will get easier in the sense that letting my kids go will be a rudimentary task. One does not need to go far to hear stories that would make risk management professionals cringe and yet that is something every parent is charged to do. We are asked to let go.
I do not want to be that Helicopter parent who hovers around my kids assessing everything they can and cannot do. The hardest part of parenting (in my limited experience) is letting my flesh and blood experience the pain and brokenness that comes with life. How will my daughters ever understand trust if they do not experience the loss of it? How will my daughters ever understand true friendships if they do not experience the pain of losing friends? Moments like today further the reality that God is omniscient (knows all things), omnipotent (all-powerful) and omni-present (he is everywhere). Meaning, God is sovereign (Psalm 139).
Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
“For who has known the mind of the Lord,
or who has been his counselor?”
“Or who has given a gift to him
that he might be repaid?”
For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen. (Romans 11:33-36).
I had a God-moment in the truck this morning. Before we got in the truck I was miserable. I was crying in the shower, crying eat my breakfast and crying taking pictures. As I was driving in the truck I turned the radio on and the song, “Here I am to Worship,” started playing. I lost it. You see, ever since Maddie could sing (or even talk) that has been her favorite song. When we would have devotionals she used to request the song this way in her fast high-pitched voice: “Daddy, I wanna sing Here my mam to warship.” As the song unfolded I knew that this moment was a time given to me by God to worship and praise him. So I did.
I sang. I cried. I praised God. All three kids said the Mackenzie motto: “Have fun, be respectful, change the world and glorify God.”
I kissed them good-bye.
I let go…
and I let God.
Father protect my girls and my son from all sorts of evil. Be with other mothers and fathers who are kissing their children good-bye. We commit our children to you once again and understand our helplessness without you. I praise you God for my wife Heather who has, for the most part, carried the torch in preparing our children for this day. I do not deserve such a precious gift and I thank you for her. God I am also thankful for Krisle and my children’s three capable teachers: Shelby Rushing, Sarah Fowler and Jill Reeves. You have revealed to me your workmanship in how skillful, caring and endearing they are to my kids and so many others. Father protect them as they teach and give them the endurance and strength they need to lead these kids in wisdom and in knowledge. Be with Samuel as he is now without siblings for a season. Which is probably the way he likes it God! Help him to grow in wisdom and stature and in your favor. Most of all Father, I give you praise for being the ruler of all and the controller of all. You reign. Glory to the highest, you reign. Let all creation testify…you reign. Thank you for worship this morning and thank you for leading my family when I cannot. I love you God. Amen.