A quote I often live by comes from Henri Nouwen’s book Wounded Healerand expresses some of the difficulties Christian leaders have in disclosing some of the pain they go through. He says (I am paraphrasing) that nobody can go into a burning building to save a child without the risk of getting burned himself. What Nouwen is alluding to is that ministry has its pains and sorrows and sometimes we ministers are the loneliest of all.
“On the other hand, it would be very easy to misuse the concept of the wounded healer by defending a form of spiritual exhibitionism. A minister who talks in the pulpit about his own personal problems is of no help to his congregation, for no suffering human being is, helped by someone who tells him that he has the same problems” ( Henri Nouwen, Wounded Healer, p. 88).
It is true that ministry affords us the blessing of helping others but who helps us? It is hard for many ministers to share their feelings with people because so many times they are burned for exposing the deepest parts of their soul to somebody. Ministers are supposed to be the “public example” to the members and when the members see him struggling perhaps it is a sign that maybe this is the wrong guy. My recommendation for ministers is to be able to trust your eldership and hopefully they watch over your soul just as much as the soul of one of your teenagers or parents (if not more). Be able to expose your heart to them and let them know the pain you go through. Also be open and honest with your spouse about the things you are going through and let her (as your help-mate) bear some of the burdens you are going through. It is a shame that some of us ministers pour out our hearts to teenagers yet have nothing left over for our spouses. We should not burden them with all kinds of information but just let her know you are struggling. Finally, it is my hope and prayer that you find at least one person in the congregation who is your friend. You can trust any information to them knowing that they will not gossip about you or think less of you. Allow them to see how vulnerable you are and keep them updated so that they can pray for you. Too often we feel like we cannot share this information with anybody because we have to be “strong” but ministers are Christians with feelings too! look at David, Paul and Peter and you will see individuals who relied on others and who were very fragile individuals.
Ministers, understand that you will get burned. It is not a matter of if but a matter of when. You will share something with someone that will be mis-interpreted and it will come back to hurt you. People are people and you have to understand that they have interests as well. As long as you are right with God and are faithful then know that it is impossible to save people from burning houses without the risk of getting burned yourself. Consider it a learning opportunity to grow from and to, perhaps, change your ministry style.
I hope these random ramblings made sense. If you are not a minister and are reading this then odds are you are in a congregation somewhere learning from some type of minister. Give him the benefit of the doubt. I am not talking about if he is lazy and messes up on a consistent basis. If he goes through a tough time “you who are spiritual restore him.” He has fed you now it is time for some reciprocity. I am not saying this as a request because I have been fed numerous times but my heart goes out to the many ministers who do not get fed and burn out and eventually quit ministry all-together. Love your minister everyday and pray for him. There is not a day that goes by where my heart is not with the teenagers I minister to. They are my joy!
Robbie Mackenzie 
I have never held the title of ‘minister’, but have been involved with young people for about 35 years. The words Robbie speaks are quite true-even for the non-minister type who works with any facet of the church. It’s quite easy to loose focus and become uninterested because people will be people. I wonder how much complaining and mummuring Moses endured beyond what scripture tells us! Easier said than done, we must remind ourself we serve a risen savior and a mighty God. Romans sums it up best when the question is asked, “What can separate us from the love of God…” That still doesn’t excuse the careless words of members. It doesn’t excuse self-centered attitudes or personal agendas. God uses a relatively simple set of words in what we commonly call the ‘golden rule’ to emphasize how we should esteem one another. When I want the best for you and the opposite is true, God’s kingdom will grow and flourish!
I have a quote on my wall that says, “You can get everything in life you want if you will just help enough other people get what they want.” Of course, this is spoken tongue-in-cheek because what we should want is to help others. Thanks Wayne for your post.